I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
