Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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