I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
