I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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