I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
