Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
