I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
