I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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