bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
