I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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