I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
