Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
