so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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