Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
