Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want a musical about memes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
