I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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