I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
