if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
