Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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