I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
