Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
