school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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