Nicole vs. Life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
