My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
