nut hugger
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
