Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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