Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
