I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
