is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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