Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
