yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
