Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
