You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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