Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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