That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
