I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
accomplished twins. life is a go
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
