Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
