Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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