if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
