I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
