HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
