the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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