don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
