So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
