Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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