so that wasnt chicken after all
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
