thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
