I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just pee around me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
