wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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