you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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