oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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