I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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