Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
