last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
