I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
