Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
