My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
