i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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