I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
