she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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