Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
