I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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