Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
