What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
