Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
