She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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