Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
