Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
