not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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