I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can I color on your dick again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
