I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
