9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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