I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They have beer where we have blood.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
