Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
