I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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