its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
