I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
