u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
