i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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