Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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