You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
