Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
