There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
