Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
