I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
