if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
