Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
